"Any arbitrary turn along the way and I would be elsewhere; I would be different." ~ Frances Mayes

After losing 112 pounds in almost a year and a half, I have come to realize how very much I was missing. I may be Late to the Party, but I am doing my best to catch up in my own unique way!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Confession Friday on a Sunday......This Too Shall Pass

"Doubt is healthy.  It tests one's convictions."  ~From the movie Haunted

This weekend has been wonderful.  Absolutely wonderful.  But I feel somewhat frustrated...... discouraged..... yes, that's the better word.....DISCOURAGED...discouraged that my weight loss has stalled ...discouraged because I'm not sure how to "do" this business idea.....discouraged that I can't seem to get even 50 followers here on the blog..... discouraged that I can't seem to get anyone to sign up for the swap I posted earlier this week.....discouraged because it seems that only a few people that know and love me read this blog. And if they do, is it only because they do so from a sense of obligation and loyalty? And along with all this comes my "oddball" feeling, which I shall explain further into this.

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."  ~William Wordsworth

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I write for my own gratification.  It is my outlet and helps keep me sane at certain times.  Asking me to stop writing is like asking me to cut off my own hand!  Something I cannot fathom.  Even if it's just a handful of faithful friends and "fam" that read my ramblings, so be it.

"Don't be discouraged.  It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock." ~Author Unknown

 As for the business idea, well, it's just one of a hundred business ideas I have had over the years.  No,  make that hundredS with an "S".  Over and over, I have an idea and then let it go.  I stated in the previous post about lack of funds, which has always been the case.  So I give up, only to see the idea in stores months or years later.  So what makes this time any different?  Not one damn thing......except that I am going to go present my idea to a local store owner next week.  Not so much to try and talk her into letting me place my product in her store, but more so to get her reaction as to the feasibility and marketability of said product.  Not certain of where I go from there or what I do if she is critical or, for that matter, wildly enthusiastic.  I would settle for lukewarm.  Hope for the best and prepare for the worse.......

Oh, I forgot to mention that I think I've been flaked on in another major swap......the second time in the last 3 months.  Not a pleasant experience, I assure you. In all the swaps I have participated, this has never happened to me, although I had heard ugly tales of flaking and flakers.

If this is the norm in swapping even though I have not experienced this until now, then I can certainly understand why no one is signing up for my Inspired Altered Picture and Frame Swap. (Button link is on the right hand side of my blog here.)  Except for my dear friend, Faith.  Faith, it may just be me and you swapping, babe.  And should that be the case, let's do it anyway!  It will still be fun!  But the invitation still stands for anyone else that might be interested.  We would love to have you join us! Sign-up ends Wednesday, May 25th.

 "I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu."  ~Jane Wagner
And the stall in my weight loss?  Well, it is what it is.  My RA meds seem to be interfering somewhat.  I am on a yo-yo.  Back and forth.  This week I have lost about 3.5 pounds so far, but next week when I take my Humira shot, it will probably shoot back up by those 4 pounds and then some.  My solution?   Not quite sure yet.  But a gym membership may be in my very near future. I don't have the money for both Weight Watchers AND a gym.  In the meantime, while I am trying to cope with this problem, I have to make a commitment to ratchet up the walking and exercising, something that I have let dreadfully slip over the past 5 months.  And I know that the exercise increase will help my frame of mind.

I am, and will remain, faithfully committed to my Weight Watchers program no matter what, and that, my friends, is a very good thing.  I've missed a lot of meetings recently, partly because of my schedule, partly because of this funk I'm in.  So I have to make a promise to myself that I will push WW meetings up on my priority list.  I often say that I'm like a drunk with alcohol, such is my relationship with food.  WW is my AA.  "Hello, my name is Pam and I have been fat free for one week."  Or maybe it's my weekly confessional: "Forgive me, Weight Watchers, for I have sinned."  Whichever, along with the exercise commitment, I pledge that I will go to my WW meetings, no matter what.  It keeps me grounded, for sure.  No excuses, no going back.  I REFUSE to go back to the way I was and that, my friends, is half the battle won right there!

"Read, every day, something no one else is reading.  Think, every day, something no one else is thinking.  Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do.  It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity."  ~Christopher Morley

As for the "oddball" syndrome....I realize that sometimes I am hard "to get".  I'm just a little on the eccentric, eclectic side.  I understand that, I do.  I have been that way all my life.  There aren't enough hours in the day for me to do all I want to do, learn all I want to learn, create all the things I can, write all I want to share, laugh all I want to laugh.  My daughters and my sisters have the same "problem", though I would hardly call it that.  Maybe "character trait" is the better term to implement in this case. I often explain this feeling as "being in left field, while everyone else is playing in right field."  It's a feeling of not "fitting in", but with the added dimension of not really wanting to, of not wanting to settle for a mediocre or mundane life, of running the risk of being ostracized. The circumstances of my life make it somewhat limiting but that doesn't mean I can't endeavor to make it as interesting and as fun and as joyful as I possibly can.  And if that makes me a little bit "different", so be it.  So I "get it" when I know that people don't quite know how to take me or how to think of me.  And that's okay........ it's just that at times like this, I feel the difference. But I wouldn't be otherwise.

A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee.  You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray."  ~Alan Sherman

Don't worry, I tell myself.  All this, too, shall pass.  And it will, I know that. Confession is good for the soul.  I feel better already.  Pity party over, now to conquer the day..... which includes going to an art show that my 11 year-old granddaughter is taking part in.  I can't wait!  She, too carries, the family trait, and "the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree".  Here's to her "uniqueness" and her creativity and the artist's soul that is in her. All is right in the world......

"Nature made us individuals, as she did the flowers and the pebbles; but we are afraid to be peculiar, and so our society resembles a bag of marbles, or a string of mold candles.  Why should we all dress after the same fashion?  The frost never paints my windows twice alike.  ~Lydia Maria Child


  1. I love your "uniqueness"!! You are my one of a kind friend and that is just how I want you...don't change a thing.
    As for the weight thing, I have been so inspired by your determination and success. Don't feel alone, with all that has been going on with my life lately, I have managed to slip back on 10lbs. Now, you have once again lite the fire under my plump butt and It will have to come back off! Meet you at the goal line!
    You often say we must have been seperated at birth...I think so too. I have lost track of ideas I have had over the years. One of the ideas we had together did work for a while...too bad it didn't pay the bills! As for the new idea...go for it...I love the concept and will definitely be one of the first in the checkout line.
    Swap...I say let's do it. The others won't know what they missed. Heck, lets do something every now and then, just damn because!!
    I may not have been born your blood sister, but love you like one. Don't change one thing (except that ten pounds!)
    Love your more than my cardstock!

  2. I read regularly and I am not family. :o)

    It is unfathomable to me that people get in swaps and don't follow through with their end of the swap.

    I can so relate to the yo-yo weight gain. I have been on a WW roller coaster ride for the past several months. I get so frustrated with myself.

    At any rate, you are not alone out here is cyberspace. Hang in there and best of luck as you demonstrate your new business venture.

  3. I am on vacation this week and am trying to catch up on my stuff between helping to corral grandkids and not eating the house! You need what in my family we call a "well, baby!" My Mama used to tell us that when we had awful, terrible, no good, very bad days...sounds like just what you need...here comes one your way from someone who thinks you are brilliant, talented, and determined!

  4. I'm loving your blog, very encouraging! Thanks for the comment :)